I’m going to make it a goal to post some weekly updates and pictures for you, Trevor. I hope this will be a way to make you feel a part of what’s going on. We miss you and love you.
Wes had his second game of flag football this morning. Unfortunately, we stayed out too late last night and he was totally checked out for the game. Afterwards, we rushed to the church so he could sing with his preschool class mates.
Strength. I think most people hear this word and have images that are positive. Strength is a desired attribute. Something to be gained.
But I’m going to be honest with you. It’s a blessing and a curse.
I’m told time and time again that I am “strong”. I’m a “strong woman of God”. A “strong Christian”. “One of the strongest people I know”.
When this is said to me, it’s meant as a compliment. Although, I will admit, I’ve never understood it much….all strength comes from the Lord, so really, what does it mean to be strong? That God has given you more strength than others? I don’t know.
For see, today I have made you strong like a fortified city that cannot be captured, like an iron pillar or a bronze wall.
But, how do people know you’re “strong”? Because they see it in the face of trial. Trial is the precursor to strength. So, people tell me I’m strong, because they’ve witnessed me go through a lot of terrible crap. And I’m going to be honest again, Any other person faced with the trials I’ve been faced with, would probably make it through. And then they would be called strong. Because God would carry them through. By providing strength.
So, it sort of feels like a curse to me….to be strong. It means that I have had some bad hands dealt to me. It means I’ve had to have reasons to be strong.
And, I’m kind of tired of being strong. I kind of just want to lay on the floor and let someone else deal with it.
But, I guess that’s the problem…,God knows I would never do that. So we will go round and round again. And I will continue to be made strong. And, even though it feels like a curse at times, it’s not. And maybe one day, just maybe, I will get to understand.
2 Posts in one night?! A rarity, I know. In fact…if you would know the things that have been on my to-do list for YEARS, your grace would be overflowing! 😉 Example: Wes’ BABY scrapbook is still not finished. I intended on making a scrapbook for each of my children, months 1-12, to document their babyhood. I have 7 months done on Wes. He is 4. Enough said.
But, here I am, sitting at my computer, and feeling ready to share, I suppose. I realized that I always am posting about the kids or what is going on with Trevor, but I rarely mention a whole lot about myself. So, I wanted to share some blessings that God has provided me with.
The past couple years have been fulfilled with goals and dreams checked off the list. As most of you know, 2012 was a very tough year for me, fraught with challenges and sadness my heart could have never imagined. But, the Lord has redeemed that sad time (as He tends to do) and has blessed me immensely.
One of the biggest “goals” I’ve had on my list since I can’t even remember was to have a baby naturally .In 2013, I got to experience that with Porter’s birth, and nothing has ever been as incredible and miraculous as that experience (except Wesley’s birth of course 😉 )
It’s hard to explain the desire to have a birth naturally in this age of Epidurals and modern medicine. I can’t truly tell anyone WHY I wanted to do it..except that God built us women to have babies, and I wanted to know what that was about!! I intended to with Wes, but panicked in the face of pain, and gave in to technology. But, with Porter, I felt a little more equipped. I had been through this before. I *sort of* knew what was coming. I could stand in the face of the panic and make my way through. And, doing that, was INCREDIBLE. It may sound weird, but even now, more than a year after his birth, I thank God for bringing me through that time and allowing me to experience what my heart desired. I will cherish and remember it for the rest of my life.
Another thing that I was able to check off the list was a half marathon! I know, certainly not as miraculous as a baby, but special nonetheless. After Trevor and I got married, and I vowed to lose some of the extra weight I had put on in college, I became a runner. In the beginning, I couldn’t IMAGINE running a half marathon. But, secretly, it was a goal. It was something I placed in the back of my brain that I wanted to accomplish for myself. I never really knew if I would do it.
But, I was able to cross the finish line last September to my first half marathon!!! And, it happened to be a very difficult course (I heard from several women who are experienced marathon-ers) and I was able to finish in a pretty decent time! God provided me with some amazing women to run with and share life with. I actually had tears well up in my eyes as I saw the finish line in sight and heard my name being cheered for.
God is so good. If you take anything away from this, take that. He provides it all. When I was going through dark times, people often compared me to Job in the Bible. Because he suffered much. EVERYTHING was taken away from him. But he was also blessed ten fold later on. And I kept hearing that little hope….that I would also be blessed tenfold. Two years ago, I would have never believed it. I DIDN’T believe it. But, as I sit here now, I feel blessed. He turns all trials into good. He is for our good. If you don’t believe me, then come talk with me. Because I can tell you first-hand what He does and WHO He is. And it is nothing less than perfect. 🙂
Been a long time since I checked in here….Trevor has been deployed for a while now….which means pure chaos has ensued for the duration of his absence. We are blessed beyond belief to have my mama here helping out. She has been here since Thanksgiving! It was originally going to be a shorter stay, but between hospital visits, the flu, teeth causing incredibly disruptive sleeping patterns, and the most obstinate 4 year old on the planet….my mom came to the rescue. She is staying for the majority of Trevor’s deployment and I will only have a few short weeks on my own before his return.
So! Let’s see…what have the past few months been filled with?! Mostly illness, sadly. Seems we haven’t had a healthy person in our house since November. But, on a different note, Wes is truly a FOUR year old boy now. He has turned into a stubborn, strong-willed, and passionate child that is intent on disobeying and following his own path. People say that strong willed boys are great because it means they will be “great leaders” when they become men. Blah blah blah. This mom just needs some sanity!!!!!
Porter has transformed completely from little baby learning to walk into full-on toddler. How fun it is to see his progression every day, but also sad that it’s happening so fast (and Trevor is missing it!)!!! He has learned to say so many words…a new one every day! His favorites: Wow, Dog, Ball, Bark, More, Mama, Grandma (which sounds more like mah-ma)…some new ones I’ve heard him say: Jump, shower, please, thank you….he knows a lot of animal sounds….he has mastered the stairs and LOVES terrorizing his big brother. He purposely takes Wesley’s toys and runs away with them.
The boys together are becoming so fun to watch. I think Wes is loving Porter more than ever because he is interacting more. At the dinner table it is almost impossible to get them to eat because they are constantly playing games and giggling: conking heads, dancing, peek-a-boo around the chairs, etc. Wes loves to hug and kiss porter but Porter gets mad and screams. They are just a dynamic duo full of laughs. Every day my heart is full with the two of them.
Wes is doing a parkour class at a local gymnastics place with his best buddy, Michael. He seems to really enjoy it and is learning new skills like tumbling and walking on a high beam. He is also enjoying his Tues/Thurs preschool class.
Last but not least, we have been waiting for quite some time now to hear about possibly moving to a new location. It seems that we keep getting passed up and may end up staying here longer…but the frustrating thing is that we never seem to have a conclusive answer!! Spokane has been great and we’ve developed great friendships, so it’s not a bad thing, but living in a weird, transitional phase is the hard part. If only I could truly explain some of the frustrations of this military life!!!
Anyway, I’ll keep you all posted. Thanks for being loyal readers even though it can be months until my next update 😉