Strength. I think most people hear this word and have images that are positive. Strength is a desired attribute. Something to be gained.

But I’m going to be honest with you. It’s a blessing and a curse.

I’m told time and time again that I am “strong”. I’m a “strong woman of God”. A “strong Christian”. “One of the strongest people I know”.

When this is said to me, it’s meant as a compliment. Although, I will admit, I’ve never understood it much….all strength comes from the Lord, so really, what does it mean to be strong? That God has given you more strength than others? I don’t know.

Jeremiah 1:18
For see, today I have made you strong like a fortified city that cannot be captured, like an iron pillar or a bronze wall.

But, how do people know you’re “strong”? Because they see it in the face of trial. Trial is the precursor to strength. So, people tell me I’m strong, because they’ve witnessed me go through a lot of terrible crap. And I’m going to be honest again, Any other person faced with the trials I’ve been faced with, would probably make it through. And then they would be called strong. Because God would carry them through. By providing strength.

So, it sort of feels like a curse to me….to be strong. It means that I have had some bad hands dealt to me. It means I’ve had to have reasons to be strong.

And, I’m kind of tired of being strong. I kind of just want to lay on the floor and let someone else deal with it.

But, I guess that’s the problem…,God knows I would never do that. So we will go round and round again. And I will continue to be made strong. And, even though it feels like a curse at times, it’s not. And maybe one day, just maybe, I will get to understand.


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2 Posts in one night?! A rarity, I know. In fact…if you would know the things that have been on my to-do list for YEARS, your grace would be overflowing! ;) Example: Wes’ BABY scrapbook is still not finished. I intended on making a scrapbook for each of my children, months 1-12, to document their babyhood. I have 7 months done on Wes. He is 4. Enough said.

But, here I am, sitting at my computer, and feeling ready to share, I suppose. I realized that I always am posting about the kids or what is going on with Trevor, but I rarely mention a whole lot about myself. So, I wanted to share some blessings that God has provided me with.

The past couple years have been fulfilled with goals and dreams checked off the list. As most of you know, 2012 was a very tough year for me, fraught with challenges and sadness my heart could have never imagined. But, the Lord has redeemed that sad time (as He tends to do) and has blessed me immensely.

One of the biggest “goals” I’ve had on my list since I can’t even remember was to have a baby naturally .In 2013, I got to experience that with Porter’s birth, and nothing has ever been as incredible and miraculous as that experience (except Wesley’s birth of course ;) )


It’s hard to explain the desire to have a birth naturally in this age of Epidurals and modern medicine. I can’t truly tell anyone WHY I wanted to do it..except that God built us women to have babies, and I wanted to know what that was about!! I intended to with Wes, but panicked in the face of pain, and gave in to technology. But, with Porter, I felt a little more equipped. I had been through this before. I *sort of* knew what was coming. I could stand in the face of the panic and make my way through. And, doing that, was INCREDIBLE. It may sound weird, but even now, more than a year after his birth, I thank God for bringing me through that time and allowing me to experience what my heart desired. I will cherish and remember it for the rest of my life.

Another thing that I was able to check off the list was a half marathon! I know, certainly not as miraculous as a baby, but special nonetheless. After Trevor and I got married, and I vowed to lose some of the extra weight I had put on in college, I became a runner. In the beginning, I couldn’t IMAGINE running a half marathon. But, secretly, it was a goal. It was something I placed in the back of my brain that I wanted to accomplish for myself. I never really knew if I would do it.

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But, I was able to cross the finish line last September to my first half marathon!!! And, it happened to be a very difficult course (I heard from several women who are experienced marathon-ers) and I was able to finish in a pretty decent time! God provided me with some amazing women to run with and share life with. I actually had tears well up in my eyes as I saw the finish line in sight and heard my name being cheered for.

God is so good. If you take anything away from this, take that. He provides it all. When I was going through dark times, people often compared me to Job in the Bible. Because he suffered much. EVERYTHING was taken away from him. But he was also blessed ten fold later on. And I kept hearing that little hope….that I would also be blessed tenfold. Two years ago, I would have never believed it. I DIDN’T believe it. But, as I sit here now, I feel blessed. He turns all trials into good. He is for our good. If you don’t believe me, then come talk with me. Because I can tell you first-hand what He does and WHO He is. And it is nothing less than perfect. :)

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Whats up With Us

Been a long time since I checked in here….Trevor has been deployed for a while now….which means pure chaos has ensued for the duration of his absence. We are blessed beyond belief to have my mama here helping out. She has been here since Thanksgiving! It was originally going to be a shorter stay, but between hospital visits, the flu, teeth causing incredibly disruptive sleeping patterns, and the most obstinate 4 year old on the planet….my mom came to the rescue. She is staying for the majority of Trevor’s deployment and I will only have a few short weeks on my own before his return.


So! Let’s see…what have the past few months been filled with?! Mostly illness, sadly. Seems we haven’t had a healthy person in our house since November. But, on a different note, Wes is truly a FOUR year old boy now. He has turned into a stubborn, strong-willed, and passionate child that is intent on disobeying and following his own path. People say that strong willed boys are great because it means they will be “great leaders” when they become men. Blah blah blah. This mom just needs some sanity!!!!!


Porter has transformed completely from little baby learning to walk into full-on toddler. How fun it is to see his progression every day, but also sad that it’s happening so fast (and Trevor is missing it!)!!! He has learned to say so many words…a new one every day! His favorites: Wow, Dog, Ball, Bark, More, Mama, Grandma (which sounds more like mah-ma)…some new ones I’ve heard him say: Jump, shower, please, thank you….he knows a lot of animal sounds….he has mastered the stairs and LOVES terrorizing his big brother. He purposely takes Wesley’s toys and runs away with them.

The boys together are becoming so fun to watch. I think Wes is loving Porter more than ever because he is interacting more. At the dinner table it is almost impossible to get them to eat because they are constantly playing games and giggling: conking heads, dancing, peek-a-boo around the chairs, etc. Wes loves to hug and kiss porter but Porter gets mad and screams. They are just a dynamic duo full of laughs. Every day my heart is full with the two of them.


Wes is doing a parkour class at a local gymnastics place with his best buddy, Michael. He seems to really enjoy it and is learning  new skills like tumbling and walking on a high beam. He is also enjoying his Tues/Thurs preschool class.

Last but not least, we have been waiting for quite some time now to hear about possibly moving to a new location. It seems that we keep getting passed up and may end up staying here longer…but the frustrating thing is that we never seem to have a conclusive answer!! Spokane has been great and we’ve developed great friendships, so it’s not a bad thing, but living in a weird, transitional phase is the hard part. If only I could truly explain some of the frustrations of this military life!!!

Anyway, I’ll keep you all posted. Thanks for being loyal readers even though it can be months until my next update ;)

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This is the worst


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Is anything sweeter?

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My little superhero

This past weekend I ran a little 5k just for fun. They had a kids “fun run” before hand where the kids get to race and wear costumes. I asked Wes if he had any interest and he was super excited to dress like a super hero and race.

When it came time for him to run, I asked if he wanted me to run along side him (most parents did). He was very adamant that he didn’t want me to. *tear*

Anyway, I secretly ran behind him only because I was scared he would freak out half way through..

Let me just tell you…. That boy ran with all his heart, never looked back, and took it so seriously. My heart swelled with pride. And, well, I think he is a real super hero :)



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Life…as a military wife

One of the first things that anyone says to me when they find out that I’m a military wife is, “I could NEVER live like that!” or “It must be so hard to move all the time.” But, the truth is, God knew exactly what he was doing when he created this life for me. Go figure, huh?! ;)

God made me with a wandering spirit, always wanting to try new things, and the inability to sit still. All good qualities for someone who moves every few years. And, who lives without her husband for several months at a time! (although that could go a bad way, too, haha) I love moving. I love living in new parts of the country (or world, hopefully one day) that I would NEVER have been had it not been for the military. I love having friends all over the world. One of my biggest God-given qualities is my desire/need to be social. And, nothing beats that, when I can literally connect with friends from all over the world throughout my life. And, I love soaking in the culture all around me.

Did you know when you are driving on a freeway in Texas that people will pull over and drive on the shoulder so that you can pass them?! Or that Wichita, Kansas, is the test city for lots of major restaurant chains? What about if you ask for an “iced tea” at a restaurant in Alabama, you will get a sweet tea. Or that Washington is so completely different from the west to the east….

These are the things I love. Well, the little things. I also love being a part of something that is bigger than myself. When my husband goes to work each day, it is not a typical job with typical duties. And although that probably frustrates me more than makes me appreciate, it is still for a greater purpose.

Those are not the things that are hard (for me) as a military wife. The hard things come much deeper. The hard things are explaining to your toddler over and over again that daddy is working to “fight the bad guys and keep us safe” when daddy is deployed. The hard things are trying to connect over skype and the internet going out for the billionth time and you know it’s a lost cause to even try. The hard things are putting the kids to bed every single night by yourself and sitting around from 8:00 pm on without any company and then going to bed alone. It’s the trying to make up for daddy being gone and tackling with your son, but you just don’t do it the same. Or, the day after day of doing every.thing.yourself without the help of your significant other. Those are the hard things.

But, even then….I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. How blessed I am to SEE the reasons I love my husband. They always creep out when he’s away…and are disguised as ways that I miss him. How many people get to have multiple honeymoons in their life? (well, sadly, this day in age probably a lot….but that’s due to multiple marriages!) When you are apart from your spouse for months at a time, reunions are like honeymoons all over again. I have never been waiting for him to return without butterflies in my stomach. And, there is a precious appreciation of what family means when you have to be separated for a time.

I was having a hard time the past couple days as little P has been dealing with teething in the worst way and also was recovering from his vaccinations. While on the phone with a friend, I explained that for a couple of days it’s no big deal to handle it, albeit frustrating. But, during a deployment, it’s those days, one after another, that can wear you down like nothing else. With no end in sight. And no help in sight. She responded that her and her husband were discussing that concept: being gone for months at a time. Her husband had recently been gone for the weekend and they just could NOT imagine how that would be for months at a time. She said it really made her appreciate what our military does. What our military families do.

And, can I just say, that is so humbling. And just what I needed to hear.

I may have been designed to live this life. I may even LOVE most aspects of it. But, no matter what, it isn’t easy. That much is true.

Just some heartfelt words for those of you who have asked or wondered about how I do what I do.







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